{"id":22935,"date":"2020-11-26T22:28:26","date_gmt":"2020-11-26T22:28:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lifeandnews.com\/articles\/?p=22935"},"modified":"2020-11-28T04:44:19","modified_gmt":"2020-11-28T04:44:19","slug":"constructive-arguing-can-help-keep-the-peace-at-your-thanksgiving-table","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lifeandnews.com\/articles\/constructive-arguing-can-help-keep-the-peace-at-your-thanksgiving-table\/","title":{"rendered":"‘Constructive arguing’ can help keep the peace at your Thanksgiving table"},"content":{"rendered":"

James M. Honeycutt<\/a>, University of Texas at Dallas<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

Sex, income, religion and politics \u2013 these are some of the biggies on the list of taboo topics during polite discussion. Even a conciliatory tone doesn\u2019t always protect you if the subjects are spicy. When singer Katy Perry tweeted post-election encouragement to reach out to family members who supported the other candidate, she was skewered online<\/a>.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

Traditionally the year-end holidays are a time when friends and family with diverse points of view gather. In a pre-Thanksgiving Pew Research Center survey in 2018, people who reported more family discord about politics were less likely to be comfortable talking politics<\/a> with their family, with 40% of respondents saying they try to avoid the subject.<\/p>\n

Even during this tumultuous year, with stress running high for so many reasons, there are ways to discuss politics without the shouting and angst. Based on courses I teach on conflict resolution in relationships and organizations<\/a>, here\u2019s my practical advice, whether you\u2019re connecting via Zoom or in person.<\/p>\n

\"Woman<\/a>
What do you have to gain by letting the conversation get heated?<\/span>
\nKlaus Vedfelt\/DigitalVision via Getty Images<\/a><\/span><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Keeping the conversation conflict-free<\/h2>\n

During arguments, it\u2019s easy to fall into what marriage therapist John Gottman calls the four horsemen of the apocalypse<\/a>: contempt, criticism, defensiveness and withdrawal. Once you go there, it\u2019s hard to have any kind of constructive or positive outcome.<\/p>\n

Here are the rules I\u2019ve developed for constructive arguing<\/a> among couples:<\/p>\n