{"id":2639,"date":"2014-12-16T23:22:54","date_gmt":"2014-12-16T23:22:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.lifeandnews.com\/articles\/?p=2639"},"modified":"2016-08-12T20:07:24","modified_gmt":"2016-08-12T20:07:24","slug":"lets-talk-about-sex-teaching-teens-to-negotiate-sexual-intimacy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lifeandnews.com\/articles\/lets-talk-about-sex-teaching-teens-to-negotiate-sexual-intimacy\/","title":{"rendered":"Let&#8217;s talk about sex: teaching teens to negotiate sexual intimacy"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>By <a href=\"http:\/\/theconversation.com\/profiles\/hayden-fletcher-132574\">Hayden Fletcher<\/a><em>, <a href=\"http:\/\/theconversation.com\/institutions\/university-of-sydney\">University of Sydney<\/a><\/em> and <a href=\"http:\/\/theconversation.com\/profiles\/spring-chenoa-cooper-4582\">Spring Chenoa Cooper<\/a><em>, <a href=\"http:\/\/theconversation.com\/institutions\/university-of-sydney\">University of Sydney<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n<p>Talking about sex, intimacy and risk-taking with adolescents is not as easy as busting out a Salt-N-Pepa classic. Catchy lyrics aside, parents may be grappling with a number of questions: Is my adolescent ready for sex? Are we equipped to open this can of worms? How will my teen respond to me discussing sex?<\/p>\n<p>When it comes to talking about the \u201cbirds and the bees&#8221;, parents tend to <a href=\"http:\/\/www.sciencedirect.com\/science\/article\/pii\/S0738399106003491\">focus on the risks<\/a> of unprotected sex and the practicalities of safe sex. But if we only discuss the potential consequences of sexual activity, adolescents are likely to be less receptive than a bigger-picture approach.<\/p>\n<p>If we acknowledge that sex can be a positive experience, we are better able to portray sex and intimate relationships as something worth waiting for, rather than something to rush into.<\/p>\n<p>We can balance our discussions about sex and relationships with a \u201c<a href=\"http:\/\/www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au\/bhcv2\/bhcarticles.nsf\/pages\/sex_education_talking_to_teenagers\">sex positive<\/a>\u201d dialogue. This means:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Acknowledging young people will choose whether or not to be sexually active. This is a normal and healthy part of adolescence.<\/li>\n<li>Recognising that adolescence is a time of sexual development and potential experimentation.<\/li>\n<li>Referencing a variety of sexual preference(s) in a positive way throughout all conversations.<\/li>\n<li>Supporting the right of young people to develop healthy, respectful and consensual sexual relationships.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Some of these concepts may not be covered in school-based sex education, so parents need to facilitate their adolescents&#8217; sexual decision-making behaviours.<\/p>\n<h2>Why is collaborative decision-making important?<\/h2>\n<p>The old model for sexuality education doesn\u2019t work: we cannot have one conversation with our kids about sex and expect them to lead happy and healthy sexual lives.<\/p>\n<figure class=\"align-right\"><img src=\"https:\/\/62e528761d0685343e1c-f3d1b99a743ffa4142d9d7f1978d9686.ssl.cf2.rackcdn.com\/files\/66940\/width237\/image-20141211-6027-d7nlze.jpg\" alt=\"\" \/><\/figure>\n<p><span class=\"caption\">Young people who openly communicate with their parents are more likely to delay sex.<\/span><br \/>\n<span class=\"attribution\"><a class=\"source\" href=\"https:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/spacelion\/2875145978\" rel=\"nofollow\">Gueorgui Tcherednitchenko\/Flickr<\/a>, <a class=\"license\" href=\"http:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/4.0\/\" rel=\"nofollow\">CC BY-NC-SA<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n<p>There is consensus among experts that dialogues about sexuality need to occur between <a href=\"http:\/\/www.sciencedirect.com\/science\/article\/pii\/S0022347614001164\">parents and their children<\/a> early and often. But that doesn\u2019t mean most parents know what to say, or how, or when to bring it up.<\/p>\n<p>When parents and young people have good communication, along with appropriate authority, adolescents report less depression and anxiety and more self-reliance and self-esteem. They also report having their first intercourse at an older age and report a <a href=\"http:\/\/www.sciencedirect.com\/science\/article\/pii\/S1054139X09006387\">lower frequency of sex<\/a> during adolescence than their peers.<\/p>\n<h2>Putting it into practice<\/h2>\n<p>Here\u2019s our take: foster and facilitate decision-making skills from a young age.<\/p>\n<p>Rather than telling your child what to do, from toddler age, have them share in making the decision together. It can be simple at first: what vegetables are we having with dinner? But, as the decisions get more complicated, it\u2019s important to have your child talk through the decision\u2019s pros and cons.<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s break it down further. Say your adolescent wants to stay out an hour past their normal curfew. Have them talk through each option fully. For example:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>If I stay out an hour later, I get to see my friends longer, I won\u2019t miss out on what happens at the party. But I might end up getting in trouble if the party gets busted, there\u2019s a higher risk that we might get in an accident on the way home, and I will be super tired for the next morning\u2019s activities.<\/p>\n<p>If I don\u2019t stay out an hour later, I will still have gotten to go to the party, and I\u2019ll be more likely to get home safe and then be able to get up in the morning. But I may get made fun of for leaving the party early and may miss something really good that happens.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>And then have them talk about the importance of each of those things and have them make a decision alongside you.<\/p>\n<p>The trick to this type of parenting is that you need to start it from a young age, and guide your child through it. By starting with the decisions that aren\u2019t as potentially dangerous (such as which vegetable), you build in a safety net for them to start to trust that you trust their decision-making skills. And that trust will foster their skills further.<\/p>\n<figure class=\"align-center\"><img src=\"https:\/\/62e528761d0685343e1c-f3d1b99a743ffa4142d9d7f1978d9686.ssl.cf2.rackcdn.com\/files\/66939\/width668\/image-20141211-6051-kitsdz.jpg\" alt=\"\" \/><\/figure>\n<p><span class=\"caption\">Your adolescents won\u2019t always make the decision you want but it\u2019s important to create opportunities to make collaborative decisions.<\/span><br \/>\n<span class=\"attribution\"><a class=\"source\" href=\"https:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/ktpupp\/679287719\" rel=\"nofollow\">Kate Sumbler\/Flickr<\/a>, <a class=\"license\" href=\"http:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-nd\/4.0\/\" rel=\"nofollow\">CC BY-NC-ND<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n<p>There is also the possibility that they won\u2019t always make the decision you want. But allowing adolescents to make a few mistakes along the way is part of how they will learn to make good decisions and develop an autonomous identity.<\/p>\n<p>So what if you haven\u2019t been doing this all along? Well it isn\u2019t too late to start, but maybe don\u2019t start with the \u201ccan my partner stay over tonight?\u201d decision.<\/p>\n<p>You can create opportunities to make decisions collaborative. For example, when your adolescent wants to go to a music festival you\u2019re nervous about, resist the urge to make it an authoritative yes or no. Maybe position it as a \u201cyes with these conditions\u201d decision, where they are in charge of setting up some safety precautions that you both feel comfortable with.<\/p>\n<h2>Where to now?<\/h2>\n<p>When navigating discussions about sex, relationships, and intimacy with adolescents, it is important to recognise that there is not a one-size-fits-all approach. But ignoring these topics can contribute to negative psychological, social and health implications for adolescents in the future.<\/p>\n<p>Bottom line? The more often you initiate collaborative health and risk-taking decision-making with your adolescent, the more practice you are providing for your adolescent to make healthy, autonomous and effective choices for themselves. And, you know what they say: practice makes perfect \u2026 or, at least better.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/counter.theconversation.edu.au\/content\/34983\/count.gif\" alt=\"The Conversation\" width=\"1\" height=\"1\" \/><\/p>\n<p>This article was originally published on <a href=\"http:\/\/theconversation.com\">The Conversation<\/a>.<br \/>\nRead the <a href=\"http:\/\/theconversation.com\/lets-talk-about-sex-teaching-teens-to-negotiate-sexual-intimacy-34983\">original article<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>By Hayden Fletcher, University of Sydney and Spring Chenoa Cooper, University of Sydney Talking about sex, intimacy and risk-taking with adolescents is not as easy as busting out a Salt-N-Pepa classic. Catchy lyrics aside, parents may be grappling with a number of questions: Is my adolescent ready for sex? Are we equipped to open this [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":39,"featured_media":5723,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[42,36],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lifeandnews.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2639"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lifeandnews.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lifeandnews.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lifeandnews.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/39"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lifeandnews.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2639"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.lifeandnews.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2639\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5724,"href":"https:\/\/www.lifeandnews.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2639\/revisions\/5724"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lifeandnews.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5723"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lifeandnews.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2639"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lifeandnews.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2639"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lifeandnews.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2639"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}