{"id":42228,"date":"2026-04-09T07:15:00","date_gmt":"2026-04-09T14:15:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lifeandnews.com\/articles\/?p=42228"},"modified":"2026-04-09T07:27:28","modified_gmt":"2026-04-09T14:27:28","slug":"the-good-life-requires-two-things-self%e2%80%91knowledge-and-friends-you-cant-have-one-without-the-other","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lifeandnews.com\/articles\/the-good-life-requires-two-things-self%e2%80%91knowledge-and-friends-you-cant-have-one-without-the-other\/","title":{"rendered":"The good life requires two things, self\u2011knowledge and friends \u2013 you can\u2019t have one without the other"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Ross Channing Reed<\/a>, Missouri University of Science and Technology<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Friends can help us with all kinds of things in life. How could I forget moving that piano for friends in Chicago? Fortunately, none of us ended up in the ER.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One of the most important things friends do, though, might seem surprising: They help us get to know ourselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Both in their 50s, Cindy and Ann had been friends since the second grade. Year after year, they never missed a birthday. Cindy would give Ann gourmet popcorn or maybe a sweatshirt from her alma mater, while Ann would give Cindy a special book on a topic that interested her, or maybe an old batch of family recipes. At one point, it dawned on Cindy just how thoughtful Ann\u2019s gifts were. It wasn\u2019t about the cost. \u201cShe really thinks about my life and what I\u2019m doing,\u201d Cindy said. \u201cIt\u2019s amazing. Ann is just really thoughtful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Cindy had always imagined herself as a thoughtful person, too. But in comparing the kinds of gifts they sent to each other, she realized that she was not thinking about Ann in the way that Ann was thinking about her. And so began her deliberate process of becoming more thoughtful \u2013 as a result of the self-insight she had gained from her friendship with Ann.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As a philosopher<\/a> and philosophical counselor<\/a>, I\u2019ve noticed the pronounced connection between friendship and self-knowledge in my counseling practice. Cindy and Ann are one example among many. I\u2019ve come to the conclusion that to really know yourself, it\u2019s necessary to have good friends.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The link between self-knowledge and friendship was key for Aristotle, too, more than 2,000 years ago. \u201cEudaimonia\u201d \u2013 roughly translated as living well, or happiness \u2013 often remains elusive, yet Aristotle believed it didn\u2019t have to be. Eudaimonia is largely within people\u2019s control<\/a>, he said, so long as they aim at the right targets<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Two of those targets<\/a> are knowing yourself and having good friends<\/a>. The two are tied together \u2013 you can\u2019t develop self-knowledge in a vacuum. Happiness, for Aristotle, can never be a solitary pursuit<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Knowing \u2013 and befriending \u2013 yourself<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Humans have a highly developed capacity to think about their thinking<\/a>. This is possible because of a split in human consciousness: There is consciousness, and there is consciousness of consciousness \u2013 what is known as reflection or metacognition<\/a>. Metacognition allows us to step back and note our thoughts and feelings, analyzing them almost as if they belonged to someone else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This split makes reason<\/a>, self-knowledge and morality possible<\/a>. We can deliberate about our thoughts, feelings and potential actions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"A
A detail from \u2018The School of Athens,\u2019 by Raphael, shows Plato and Aristotle, his student, deep in discussion. Apostolic Palace\/Web Gallery of Art via Wikimedia Commons<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Self-knowledge<\/a> isn\u2019t the same as being intellectual or even intelligent. Instead, it\u2019s about using self-awareness and reason to develop character<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In Aristotle\u2019s view, character arises<\/a> from developing habits<\/a> that lead to intellectual and moral virtue, so that personal integrity is possible. This, in turn, builds self-trust and self-respect<\/a>, as you learn to rely on yourself to do what is right \u2013 what Aristotle called \u201cenkrat\u0113s,\u201d or continence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In other words, self-knowledge is developing a good relationship with yourself. In your own internal dialogue, you become another trusted friend to yourself, based on what you\u2019ve seen in your friendships: virtues like generosity, courage, truthfulness and prudence. Self-knowledge and moral development are tied together and realized in community, as underscored by Aristotle scholar<\/a> Joseph Owens<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Friendship based on character<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Aristotle recognized three types of friendship<\/a>. Some are based on utility, like a study-group friend. Others are based on pleasure, such as friends in an antique car club.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The third and highest form of friendship, which can last a lifetime, is based on virtue<\/a>, or \u201carete.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In these situations, Aristotle wrote, a friend becomes \u201canother self<\/a>.\u201d These friendships are based on mutual goodwill and love for the other person\u2019s character<\/a>; they are not fundamentally transactional. Instead, they are anchored in care and concern for the other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Such friendships are few<\/a>, but foster self-knowledge. As philosopher Mavis Biss<\/a> emphasizes, a good friend has a perspective on you<\/a> that you yourself do not. You can step back and analyze your desires, thoughts and feelings, but you can never actually observe yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That means self-knowledge always has a social dimension<\/a>. True friends enhance each other\u2019s insight<\/a> and capacity for virtue. As you get to know your friend, you get to know yourself \u2013 and are challenged to become a better version of yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cTo perceive and to know a friend, therefore, is necessarily in a manner to perceive and in a manner to know oneself<\/a>,\u201d Aristotle wrote in the \u201cEudemian Ethics<\/a>.\u201d The friend is a mirror that helps refine<\/a> our thinking, perception and moral understanding.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Two
A trusted and respected friend shares ideas, gives fresh perspective and magnifies life\u2019s pleasures. Johner Images\/Johner Images Royalty-Free via Getty Images<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Aiming at the good life<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

In the end, what makes eudaimonia \u2013 the good life \u2013 possible? For Aristotle, it\u2019s using reason to become our best selves. Knowledge and self-knowledge<\/a> are the most desirable of all things<\/a>, Aristotle argued: \u201cOne always desires to live because one always desires to know, and because one wishes to be oneself the object known<\/a>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And there\u2019s no way to get there without good friends<\/a>. A trusted and respected friend<\/a> shares perceptions, enhances self-knowledge and magnifies life\u2019s pleasures.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The desire to know and be known is part of the quest for happiness. Knowledge of self, others and everything else is interconnected. For Aristotle, relationships are a portal into the realms of the vast and mysterious universe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ross Channing Reed<\/a>, Lecturer in Philosophy, Missouri University of Science and Technology<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This article is republished from The Conversation<\/a> under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ross Channing Reed, Missouri University of Science and Technology Friends can help us with all kinds of things in life. How could I forget moving that piano for friends in Chicago? Fortunately, none of us ended up in the ER. One of the most important things friends do, though, might seem surprising: They help us […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":56,"featured_media":42229,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[8025,42,10,296,36,3410,38],"tags":[3647,16766,196,3646,17640,415,885,891,886,860,581,17642,17482,17641],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lifeandnews.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42228"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lifeandnews.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lifeandnews.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lifeandnews.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/56"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lifeandnews.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=42228"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.lifeandnews.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42228\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":42230,"href":"https:\/\/www.lifeandnews.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42228\/revisions\/42230"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lifeandnews.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/42229"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lifeandnews.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=42228"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lifeandnews.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=42228"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lifeandnews.com\/articles\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=42228"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}